Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Read More!

Just a note to let everyone know that one has made a few changes to one's blog. You will now see a 'Read More!' link at the end of most of one's posts on one's blog. Due to the fact that one tends to be a bit on the verbose side, one implemented this functionality to help keep one's blogs main page to a smaller size.

One will provide the first paragraph or two as an introduction to the piece with the remainder of the piece only readable by clicking the 'Read More!' link. This will load the entire article for you to read.

Please let me know what you think of this new functionality and if it is worth keeping or if one should go back to the old way of publishing articles to one's blog. In the mean time...

Happy Reading!

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Crossdressers a Closer Look

Once known widely as "transvestite", and still classified as such in psychiatric literature, a crossdresser is someone, usually a heterosexual male, who derives erotic pleasure and/or some degree of emotional fulfillment by wearing the traditional clothing of the opposite sex. Crossdressers, differentiating from others in the transgender spectrum, do not pursue major surgical intervention to permanently transition and live full time as the opposite gender, although they may fantasize about doing so. Crossdressing, in and of itself, is classified in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (see below) as transvestic fetishism, a paraphilia and Axis I disorder.

There is a significant proportion of crossdressers for whom the above is not entirely applicable. Drag queens are, for the most part, homosexual men who crossdress and are involved in some sort of entertainment medium, from local nightclubs to prime time television. They intentionally dress in eye-catching fashion, and may very well be what the public considers representative of the entire transgender community. In fact, the majority of the transgender community will go to great lengths to blend in with society around them, even if it's temporary or variable. Drag kings are the female version of drag queens, but are much less sensational and prevalent. Female and male celebrity impersonators can be similar to the drag queens and kings, but a significant number crossdress only as paid entertainers.

Most physicians will usually encounter a crossdresser in only a few professional settings and situations. One probable setting is in the ER (and consulting departments) after a trauma or sudden illness has prevented them from changing back into the traditional clothing of their natal gender before being admitted. The other would likely be in a mental health setting for those whose behavior, gender or otherwise, is a source of conflict. However, patients with paraphilias are less likely to seek treatment, so crossdressers are more likely to present, if ever, to a therapist specializing in gender issues.Below is an excerpt from the DSM-IV pages 530-531.

*** Excerpt ***
American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed.) (pp. 530-531) Washington, DC

302.3 Transvestic Fetishism

The paraphiliac focus of Transvestic Fetishism involves cross‑dressing. Usually the male with Transvestic Fetishism keeps a collection of female clothes that he intermittently uses to cross‑dress. While cross‑dressed, he usually masturbates, imagining himself to be both the male subject and the female object of his sexual fantasy. This disorder has been described only in heterosexual males. Transvestic Fetishism is not diagnosed when cross‑dressing occurs exclusively during the course of Gender Identity Disorder. Transvestic phenomena range from occasional solitary wearing of female clothes to extensive involvement in a transvestic subculture. Some males wear a single item of women's apparel ( e.g., underwear or hosiery) under their masculine attire. Other males with Transvestic Fetishism dress entirely as females and wear makeup. The degree to which the cross‑dressed individual successfully appears to be a female varies, depending on mannerisms, body habitus, and cross‑dressing skill. When not cross‑dressed, the male with Transvestic Fetishism is usually unremarkably masculine. Although his basic preference is heterosexual, he tends to have few sexual partners and may have engaged in occasional homosexual acts. An associated feature may be the presence of Sexual Masochism. The disorder typically begins with cross‑dressing in childhood or early adolescence. In many cases, the cross‑dressing is not done in public until adulthood. The initial experience may involve partial or total cross‑dressing; partial cross‑dressing often progresses to complete cross‑dressing. A favored article of clothing may become erotic in itself and may be used habitually, first in masturbation and later in intercourse. In some individuals, the motivation for cross‑dressing may change over time, temporarily or permanently, with sexual arousal in response to the cross‑dressing diminishing or disappearing. In such instances, the cross‑dressing becomes an antidote to anxiety or depression or contributes to a sense of peace and calm. In other individuals, gender dysphoria may emerge, especially under situational stress with or without symptoms of depression. For a small number of individuals, the gender dysphoria becomes a fixed part of the clinical picture and is accompanied by the desire to dress and live permanently as a female and to seek hormonal or surgical reassignment. Individuals with Transvestic Fetishism often seek treatment when gender dysphoria emerges. The subtype With Gender Dysphoria is provided to allow the clinician to note the presence of gender dysphoria as part of Transvestic Fetishism.

Diagnostic criteria for 302.3 Transvestic Fetishism

A. Over a period of at least 6 months, in a heterosexual male, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving cross‑dressing.

B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Specify if:

With Gender Dysphoria: if the person has persistent discomfort with gender role or identity
*** End of excerpt ***

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

About...well...me!

One is slave j of KC, an uncollared male slave. One is 40 years old, has blue eyes, light brown hair (thinning a bit on top), of a slender build, 5' 7" tall, 150 pounds, fair complexion, pierced ears (3 in one's left ear and 1 in one's right ear) and no tattoos or brandings. One is intelligent, articulate, very open and honest (sometimes too much so for one's good) and a bit on the verbose side at times. One is also bisexual, although one tends to have a preference for females, one does not believe that gender limits love, attraction, and basic human sexual desires (one was once asked if one's ear piercings meant anything and one said "It means I'm 3/4ths straight and on 1/4 gay". As one recalls, the person asking quietly moved further down the bar).

One has known that one is submissive since one was a teen, having first discovered the lifestyle in high school. One had been in the lifestyle for a number of years before one's marriage, which has only recently come to a close. As with all things in life, these things happen and one has decided it's time to start moving forward again and with perhaps the biggest lesson learned is that one must always be true to one's inner self. One is not comfortable airing such dirty laundry in public, but will simply say that yes, one's submissiveness and need to serve did play a part in one's problems.

It has only been recently that one has come to realize just how deeply submissive one is and how much of one's life has been affected by this trait. For one submission isn't about negotiating at every opportunity but rather one submits once and only once; because of this one tends to be rather selective in who one submits too. On anything that is of major importance one does like to have an opportunity to express one's opinion on the matter, but once the decision is made one accepts it and stands behind it.

One is rather self sufficient in one's tasks and doesn't need to be told to do things that need to be done. One derives one's pleasure from knowing that ones service is making one's partner's life better, easier and more fulfilling. To one what that service entails doesn't matter, whether it's cleaning the house from top to bottom, cooking all the meals, to providing more personal services, it's the being of service that makes one happy. One's expectations in a D/s or M/s relationship are rather simple; one expects one's basic needs to be met (food, shelter, a place to sleep); anything more are simply extras. One does on occasion like to receive a compliment on something one has done well, but one doesn't expect to be rewarded for doing daily things.

While there are those who would say that a slave is not allowed to have limits, one would have to agree and disagree. One has only a few limits and one tries to make sure one's hard limits match those of who one is serving; this frees one from having to worry about being ordered to do something one could not do. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that one's limits are those of one's Mistress. This is important to one since one tends to slip into subspace very easily, becoming auto responsive. One can, and has, placed oneself into dangerous situations when in this state and one's Mistress was not aware of this trait in one, so one always makes it a point to communicate this clearly before hand.

With all the recent events of one's life, one finds oneself in need of a Mistress to serve (or a Master). One has but a few requirements; honesty, openness, trust and respect are the key items one looks for in one to serve. One submits to a person, not some title and one must know the person very well. One's limits, likes and dislikes need to align with one's Mistress/Master as closely as possible. One is what most call a natural submissive, it is one's very core of being and as such one has learned over time to be selective to protect oneself. One is not looking for financial domination (sorry but one's ex-wife beat you there) or pro's. Ideally one is looking for a relationship that in time would become a 24/7 long term relationship. Lastly, one is not willing to relocate out of the Kansas City area; one is willing to relocate within the Kansas City area and up to 1 – 2 hours outside of this area.

One apologizes for such a long post, but one feels others need as much information as possible to make an informed decision as to whether or not one is someone they would like to know better. If there is something further you would like to know about one, please ask. One may be reached via e-mail at submissive.male.slave@gmail.com, Yahoo Messenger at submissiveslavemale, or MSN Messenger at slavejofkc@hotmail.com.

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Friday, June 16, 2006

Question about cross dressing

One was filling out one of those checklists that are prevalent on the Internet about BDSM activities and such. One of the items on the list is about cross dressing and to be completely honest, one does not know how to answer. Before going much farther, one will explain why one is a bit confused as to how to answer the question.

One has never been a large man to say the least, at a height of 5 feet 7 inches one has never been considered tall. At the weight of only 150 pounds (and that's wet), one has never been considered a large man either. One has a 28" waist and wears a size 6 1/2 shoe; both of which fall into that grey area between the boys department and the men's department. Lets just say that finding pants and shoes has always been a big problem. Back in high school one learned that a women's size 8 for pants and a women's 8 1/2 shoe fit one perfectly; not only that, but those sizes seem to be extremely common sizes for women. So to this day when one needs jeans or tennis shoes, one heads for the women's department and have never had a problem finding clothes that fit.

One has never really stopped to think of this as cross dressing, but rather simply wearing what fits best and is easiest to find, hence my dilemma as to how to honestly answer the question on cross dressing.

Any suggestions, advice and comments would be greatly appreciated.

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Orgasm denial and other things...

The topic of orgasm denial sort of caught one's eye and one has seen this topic recently on a number of groups one belongs to. Now it has been a number of years since one has last served, but let me see if one's memory is correct about a few things...

One, when one enters into service to another, does not one in essence surrender control of oneself to another? Does this surrender of control not extend to all parts of one's body? (and especially of one's penis?)

Two, isn't the primary purpose of one's service to make one's Mistress happy? If that should so include denying one the 'privilege' of an orgasm, is that not Her choice? Same goes for if one's Mistress requires one to wear some form of chastity device, is that again not Her decision? So long as one's health is taken into consideration, one has no reason to object either way.

Three, the whole concept of being 'forced' by one's Mistress to do something has always eluded one. So when one hears or sees a post by someone requesting to be 'forced' to do something, have they not already basically decided that they really want this to occur, but are simply afraid to follow through on their own? The whole concept of 'forcing' someone to do something goes against the concept of consent. One may be asked to do something they may not like by one's Mistress, but because of trust, respect and desire to please, one does as ordered; where is the force?

Four, if one has a desire to be locked into chastity and kept from having an orgasm, is this not something that one should discuss before entering into service? The importance of aligning one's limits, likes, and dislikes with those of one's Mistress can never be stated enough. Without that alignment, in the back of one's mind would be the concern of being ordered to do something outside of one's abilities. It just goes to that comfort level one needs to answer '"Yes Ma'am" without hesitation, knowing that whatever is ordered is something one can do.

Just a few thoughts for today

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

What is Submission?

Main Entry: sub·mis·sion
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin submission-, submissio act of lowering, from submittere
1 a : a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators’ b : an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); also : something submitted (as a manuscript)
2 : the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant
3 : an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

The idea of turning control of oneself over to someone else can be a rather frightening concept for a lot of people, but it is this very trait that makes one a submissive. This is not to say that when one submits to another that it is not within an area of preset limits which are negotiated beforehand. Because there are negotiations and limits set, it is only through one’s consent that one can enter into submission to another.

Because of the very nature of the power exchange of a D/s relationship one should take care to get to know the one they will be submitting to very well. There are many things to be considered and it is important to align likes, dislikes and hard limits as best as possible; if there are any serious doubts in one’s mind, keep looking for someone to submit too. There is no rule which says that one must submit to the first dominant they meet. With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant.

Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe, sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse. Depending upon the type of submissive one is, the potential for abuse is ever present, for the very nature of a submissive generally tends to make them much more tolerant of abuse. The three tenets (safe, sane and consensual) of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse. One does have the right to refuse if anything would cause one’s hard limits to be crossed, or would otherwise cause one potential harm.

Why a person is submissive varies from person to person, so it can be difficult to have a clear definition at times. Some are submissive just in the bedroom for a little extra spice to their sex lives; others my have a deep psychological need to submit to others. The three main levels of a submissive one has seen are as follows:

Sexual Submissive
Someone into D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.

Psychological Submissive
This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them. This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.

Natural Submissive
Someone who is born with a submissive nature; a need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification. It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.

It would be wrong to say that any one category of submissive is better than the other; they are different and each can fulfill different roles with the realm of D/s. It has been one’s observation however that those looking for M/s (Master/slave) relationships tend to seek out those who are natural submissives. There is something in the make-up of these individuals that makes it easier for them to be a consensual slave to another.

Being submissive is as unique and individual as you are your own person. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be faked, acted or role played. True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those of us within the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle. Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.

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Honesty

Honesty has come up a few times in the past couple of days in a number of posts, so let's take a closer look at honesty...

Honesty is the human quality of communicating and acting truthful and with fairness, as best one is able. It is related to truth as a value. This includes listening, reasoning and any action in the human repertoire -- as well as speaking.

Superficially, honesty means simply, stating facts and views as best one truly believes them to be. It includes both honesty to others, and to oneself and about ones own motives and inner reality.

Western views on honesty
Since the quality of honesty applies to all behaviors, one cannot refuse to consider factual information, for example, in an unbiased manner and still claim that one's knowledge, belief or position is an attempt to be truthful. Such a belief is clearly a product of one's desires and simply has nothing to do with the human ability to know. Basing one's positions on what one wants --rather than unbiased evidence gathering ---is dishonest even when good intentions can be cited--after all even Hitler could cite good intentions and intended glory for a select group of white people. Clearly then, an unbiased approach to the truth is a requirement of honesty.

Because intentions are closely related to fairness and certainly affect the degree of honesty/dishonesty, there is a wide spread confusion about honesty--and a general belief that being dishonest means that one ALWAYS thinks of their behavior as either honest or dishonest. Self-perception of our morality is non-static and volatile. It's often at the moment we refuse to consider other perspectives that is dishonest rather than at the moment we can cite evidence that we are right. Socrates had much to say about truth, honesty and morality, and explained that if people really understood that their behavior was wrong --then they simply wouldn't do it--- by definition. Unfortunately, honesty in the western tradition has been marginalized to specific instances --perhaps because a thorough understanding of honesty collides with ideologies of all types, since ideologies and idealism exaggerate and suppress evidence in order to support their perspectives-- at the expense of the truth. This process erodes the practice and understanding of honesty. To an ideologist the truth becomes insignificant, only their ideals(desires) matter.

We are all inherently biased about what we believe is good because of our backgrounds, but once one understands that a decidedly biased approach to what is true--is inherently dishonest, one can also understand how idealism and ideology have poorly served the quest for an honest, moral society. Both honesty and morality require that we base our opinions about what is good --- upon unbiased ideas of what is TRUE ----rather than vice versa--the way all ideologies would have us believe.

The studies of Confucius about honesty
Confucius recognized several levels of honesty, fundamental to his ethics:

His shallowest concept of honesty was implied in his notion of Li: all actions committed by a person to build the ideal society - aiming at meeting their surface desires of a person either immediately (bad) or longer term (good). To admit that one sought immediate gratification could however make a bad act better, and to hide one's long term goals could cloud a good act. A key principle was that a "gentleman" must strive to convey his feelings honestly on his face; so that these could help each other coordinate for long term gain for all. So there was a visible relation between time horizon, etiquette and one's image of oneself even in the mirror. This generates self-honesty and keeps such activities as business calm, unsurprising, and aboveboard. In this conception, one is honest because it suits one's own self-interest only.

Deeper than Li was Yi or righteousness. Rather than pursuing your own selfish interests you should do what is right and what is moral - based on reciprocity. Here too time is central, but as a time span: since your parents spent your first three years raising you, you spent three mourning them after they die. At this level one is honest about one's obligations and duty. Even with no one else to keep you honest or to relate to directly, a deeply honest person would relate to ancestors as if they were alive and would not act in ways that would make them ashamed. This was part of the moral code that included ancestor worship, but Confucius had made it rigorous.

The deepest level of honesty was Ren, out of which flowed Yi and thus Li. Confucius' morality was based upon empathy and understanding others, which required understanding one's own moral core first, rather than on divinely ordained rules, which could simply be obeyed. The Confucian version of the Golden Rule was to treat your inferiors as you would want your superiors to treat you. Virtue under Confucius is based upon harmony with others and a recognition of the honest reality that eventually (say in old age) one will come under the power of others (say one's children). So this level of honesty is to actually put oneself in context of one's whole life and future generations - and choose to do or say nothing that would not reflect one's family's honour and reputation for honesty and acceptance of truth, such as eventual death.

A Buddhist teaching on honesty
Thanissaro Bhikkhu taught: "Real honesty is being honest about what your possibilities are, what your potentials are. That's where true honesty lies. It stretches us. It's not simply admitting where we are - that's a beginning step, it's not the end step. So be honest about where you are but also be honest about what your possibilities are. That keeps the challenge of the path always before us.

Just some more food for thought today.

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Slave, slavery and other terms


Lets look a bit at the word slave, a phrase commonly used within the D/s and M/s areas.

Word History: The derivation of the word slave encapsulates a bit of European history and explains why the two words slaves and Slavs are so similar; they are, in fact, historically identical. The word slave first appears in English around 1290, spelled sclave. The spelling is based on Old French esclave from Medieval Latin sclavus, “Slav, slave,” first recorded around 800. Sclavus comes from Byzantine Greek sklabos “Slav,” which appears around 580. Sklavos approximates the Slavs' own name for themselves, the Slovenci, surviving in English Slovene and Slovenian. The spelling of English slave, closer to its original Slavic form, first appears in English in 1538. Slavs became slaves around the beginning of the ninth century when the Holy Roman Empire tried to stabilize a German-Slav frontier. By the 12th century stabilization had given way to wars of expansion and extermination that did not end until the Poles crushed the Teutonic Knights at Grunwald in 1410. ·As far as the Slavs' own self-designation goes, its meaning is, understandably, better than “slave” it comes from the Indo-European root *kleu-, whose basic meaning is “to hear” and occurs in many derivatives meaning “renown, fame.” The Slavs are thus “the famous people.” Slavic names ending in -slav incorporate the same word, such as Czech Bohu-slav, “God's fame,” Russian Msti-slav, “vengeful fame,” and Polish Stani-slaw, “famous for withstanding (enemies).”

Main Entry: 1slave
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English sclave, from Old French or Medieval Latin; Old French esclave, from Medieval Latin sclavus, from Sclavus Slavic; from the frequent enslavement of Slavs in central Europe
1 : a person held in servitude as the chattel of another
2 : one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence
3 : a device (as the printer of a computer) that is directly responsive to another
4 : DRUDGE, TOILER
- slave adjective

Now it is important to note that slavery as it used to exist is no longer a reality (at least in most countries). Rather slavery today is consensual in nature, with the slave willingly entering into servitude to another through consent. So, lets take a moment to look at these terms too:

Main Entry: con·sen·su·al
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin consensus + English -al
1 a : existing or made by mutual consent without an act of writing <a consensual contract> b : involving or based on mutual consent <consensual acts>
2 : relating to or being the constrictive pupillary response of an eye that is covered when the other eye is exposed to light
- con·sen·su·al·ly adverb

So what we have today is consensual slavery, or simply one consenting to become the property of another. It would be safe to say that in todays world there are not many who would willingly enter into such an arrangement, but there are some...

Just some thoughts on one's mind today.

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